I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
