Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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