Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
