Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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