I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
No more Irish car bombs ever.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
