Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
