I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
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I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
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I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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