Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
