we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
