I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
