bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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