I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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