I will die if light touches me.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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