Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize