would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
