I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
