Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
foreskin is a definite game changer
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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