My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There's always time for handjobs
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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