Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
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i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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