I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My life is pants optional.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
