not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
