i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
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He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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