But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
