She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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