Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
