well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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