the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
