oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
