im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
