What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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