I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
