oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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