my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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