Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
