piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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