four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
