I think I died a long time ago.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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