I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
