Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
