I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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