he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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