This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
