1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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