I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
