You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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