finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
