i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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