xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
