The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the day after is always just damage control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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