she kept yelling 'call me bella'
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
