It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
