Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
