I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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