I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
