Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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