You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
