i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
