how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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