Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
