you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
