cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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