And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
