You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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