pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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