Only a mothe r could love this liver
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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